I do want to clarify a couple of things from yesterday’s post. While being honest – I want to be clear as well.
1. Although my love for food in general started at a young age, things didn’t get out of hand until the last 15 years or so. I was out of school and in the workforce before the weight really started piling on. While not skinny I was stil at a fair weight through school. A little overweight, yes. But not anything drastic by any means. My body is not built to be stick thin. That is one thing to remember. Everyone has a different build and body shape. That is in no way an excuse – just the truth and obvious if you look around. Growing up we still had home cooked meals. I was not fed junk food growing up. But even too much of the right thing can be bad. I just wanted to clarify that I wasn’t brought up this way.
2. With that being said, the weight is my fault and my fault alone. I made the bad choices in my adult years that got me here. While there may have been enablers along the way, the ultimate choices were up to me. I learned to make poor decisions and became an enabler myself for those around me. I also learned how to sneak food and eat extra when no one was around to see. Definitely my choices and my bad decisions. On that level I obviously knew what I was doing was wrong if I felt I had to sneak food and eat extra when no one watching. Otherwise I wouldn’t have felt guilty and thought I had to do it in secret. But as I said in yesterday’s post it is amazing what lies you can tell yourself and even more amazing you can learn to believe them.
3. I got myself here and will get myself out. While support, encouragement, motivation, prayers and love are wonderful boosters and greatly appreciated, I am determined and will accomplish this! I am not going to use any fad diets or secrets to quick loss etc. This will be real, honest efforts and hard work and determination. Only then can I look back at the end of the journey and say, “I accomplished this!”
4.While I have been filled with shame on the inside for many years (keeping it to myself for the most part) I will now hold my head high for the remainder of this journey. I AM WORTHY no matter what anyone else may think!