So this is where I get real. This is where I lay it all out there. My goals when starting this blog were: 1. Hope I reach someone going through the same thing as me so that they know they’re not alone. There are those out there who understand. 2. Hope I can shed some light to those who have never gone through this so that they may even in the smallest way understand what someone like me goes through on this journey. So here’s a glimpse into the me in this step of my journey (keep in mind as I venture through this journey there will be new insights at each step). The following are in no certain order.
- I am excited. I’m ready to see what will come next. I’m seeing progress. I hope to see more – much more!
- I am still doubtful. Even though I see progress, I have failed so many times before. The negativity tries to hold me back by trying to show me I will fail again and trying to convince me not to believe it can happen.
- I already notice changes. Some movements are easier now. I have more energy. I am more willing to get up and move around and do things. I want to be moving more. I walk a little taller and a little quicker, with more purpose.
- I don’t feel “fat”. I never have. That’s the clincher. Pictures show it. Some movements have made it obvious. But I honestly have never felt fat. Seeing a picture of myself never matches what I feel like. It’s like a slap in the face every time.
- I have a constant battle in my mind. The negativity often tries to take over. It tries to convince me I am not worth it and will fail – regarding working out, eating right, having confidence in myself, etc.
- I am scared. As excited as I am to be on this journey – I am scared as well. I am afraid I will fail. I’m afraid I’m not gonna look good when I lose a lot of weight (look older, excess skin, etc.). I’m afraid of the confidence going to my head. I’m afraid of the positive attention becoming my new addiction.
These are just a few things in my mind at any given time. This journey is NOT easy. Don’t let anyone tell you it is. You need will power. You need determination. You need drive. You have to be ready to change your exercise level, your eating habits, and perhaps most of all, your mind. You need to be ready for the challenges you will face. You need a support system. You need to rely on yourself to lift you up, not constantly turning to others to do that for you. You need to find the dig deep within yourself, not letting high-fives or positive compliments or a workout buddy to keep pushing you on. The push needs to come within for you to truly change. This road will not be easy. It’s not meant to be. It’s meant to be life-changing. If you’re not doing it for yourself, you’re likely to lose motivation. You’re likely to give up. You’re likely to let distractions steer you from your plan. But you can do it!